MaineCourse

I Want a Steroid Free Tree

Chris Rad

Every year we collect Hallmark special edition baseball ornaments. Included in past collections were Mark McGuire, Jason Giambi, Derek Jeter and Mickey Mantle. This, by the way, is how we teach our children tolerance. The Yankee ornaments can go on the tree and live in peace with the Red Sox ones. When we pulled out this years ornaments Mark announced he wanted a steroid free tree (in jest of course) and therefore McGuire and Giambi would have to "sit out". Matthew, who is by nature a completist...if they are there they must be included, didn't take to this very well. "Did Mickey Mantle take steroids?" No, I replied, but he did drink himself to death. "So he took beer?" Yes Matthew, he took beer. Lots of it. It was agreed that heavy drinkers could stay on the tree. Then there was the Nomar issue. There he was in all his Sox glory with the hook in him waiting to be included. What to do. Matthew decided Nomar could sit on the branch with Derek Jeter as he believes they are friends. In the end the steroid issue was settled with Matthew proclaiming one branch the "steroid branch" and there sit Giambi and McGuire. I joked that having them both on the same branch might make the tree sway to one side with all that muscle. He wasn't amused. This year Hallmark has chosen Barry Bonds for its commemorative ornament. We choose to not invest as he is one steroid user too many.




Me and Mom circa 1966

We're immortalized in the blog! Look at that Charlie Brown Christmas tree...we went through more tinsel filling in those gaps. Elsewhere in that living room was one of those horrifying cardboard "fireplaces" that were in fashion at the time. No steroid users on that tree.

Posted by bambino.

At the risk of sounding too provocative, may I ask what you were wearing?

Matt and I brought a tree home like that one three years ago. It was a fresh cut, and one of the last left on lot. We kept rotating it, hoping to show its non-existent good side. This year, with Daryl driving his new red truck, Matt returned with the perfect tree. Susan will be happy.

Posted by michael.

Pajamas. What does it look like I'm wearing?

Posted by bambino.

Posted by Michael at December 12, 2004 08:12 AM